


But We Were Happy

by QQI25



Series: this is a heinous life [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Negative Self Thoughts, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-11-13 02:44:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11175351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QQI25/pseuds/QQI25
Summary: Jeremy isn't talking to Michael anymore, and Michael is in a rapid down spiral.





	1. There's No Other Half There

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys this chapter is really really really potentially triggering. it's really negative because he's coping with the loss of the only friend he's had since five. please please please don't read if any of the tags could trigger you.   
> *CHECK END NOTES FOR A SUMMARY IF U WANT IT*

Jeremy wasn't talking to him anymore. Michael didn't know why, except he did. 

When Jeremy had been in the hospital, Michael stayed as long as he could. He was at Jeremy’s bedside for pretty much the entire duration of visiting hours even though Jeremy was unconscious and unresponsive. He got to know Rich well, got his number, and they still talked now. 

When Jeremy woke up, he seemed genuinely happy when Michael came to visit, happy to see him! And Michael thought maybe things weren't so bad. Maybe they were gonna be able to fix it, and maybe Jeremy meant that Michael was his favourite person more than he meant that Michael was a loser. He had hope. 

But then Jeremy got out and suddenly he had other, better things to do. They couldn't get stoned in his basement, which that wasn't that bad, because Jeremy never really liked weed, and Rich did that with him occasionally once he found out Michael smoked. And then he lost his Player Two. Again, and in both senses of the words. Jeremy didn't have time to play games with him anymore. He didn't have time to hang out all, it seemed. He kept his new friends from the squip experience, and Michael was happy that he did. But maybe he really was replaced. He was nowhere near half as cool as any one of them. And Jeremy deserved better than him. 

They stopped hanging out in school. Jeremy didn't go to sit down at his lunch table and they didn't talk about how their days were going. Rich sometimes joined Michael when he seemed particularly down, but it wasn't the same. It was never gonna be the same. He didn't really eat anymore at lunch. He didn't feel hungry. He was starting to feel sorta empty.   
When Jeremy’d first gotten out of the hospital, Michael would go wait for Jeremy after every period, but Jeremy didn't seem to notice him. He walked with his new friends, or left before Michael had even gotten there. Michael stopped going to wait outside his classrooms after a week. He really couldn't fucking take it. He was already invisible to pretty much the whole world, and now he was invisible to his best friend. Or, well, his former best friend. 

The next month or so, he started thinking about Jeremy a lot. Like, a lot, a lot. He'd see random things and think about what Jeremy would say if he saw that. He'd be walking through the halls finding himself doing something Jeremy would've done, and realising just how many of Jeremy’s mannerisms he'd picked up. He'd be in the shower or in bed, suddenly thinking of all the ways he'd fucked up with Jeremy, from way back when they were five until now. He'd be walking through a mall or the school hallways and looking at all the friends and couples. Once, he thought that maybe Jeremy had realised that Michael liked him and freaked the fuck out because that was disgusting and who did that to their best friend? God what a loser he was; he wasn't even normal. 

He didn't play games anymore. They'd honestly lost their appeal a long time ago. He found himself getting stoned more often. He was probably more high than not nowadays. He didn't mind. He liked feeling floaty and out of it. But then it got to the point where it ramped up his anxiety. It got to the point where he couldn't remember what he'd done that morning, much less that class period. Sometimes he didn't even show up to class because he was too busy having another panic attack in the bathroom. Sometimes he kinda had an urge to start cutting again, but at least his judgment was clear enough to not trust his high self to be able to do it properly. So he settled for hunkering down in some stall and digging his nails into his biceps hard enough to make them bleed. Sometimes he'd slowly drag his nail down the length of his arm and watch as his skin turned white, and then red because he did it hard enough to cause it to eventually scab over. A few days later when the scabs were fully formed, he'd pick at them mindlessly and watch the blood well up before dabbing it away with toilet paper. Dimly and detachedly, he thought about how pathetic it was that he was doing all this just because he lost his only friend. He didn't really get high anymore. 

His next way to cope was to write all of that on his arms. He took a vivid, red pen and started writing the words on his arms (pathetic loser useless gross disgusting), and if the handwriting looked like Jeremy’s it was only because they were friends since five so their handwriting looked similar. Except his handwriting looked nothing like Jeremy’s, so he didn’t know why it did then. (He did, though. He did.) It didn't do anything except make everything worse. 

And then there was the texting (or rather the not texting). Michael thought that, since he didn’t have time to hang out in person, maybe things wouldn’t change over text. But they did, and he didn’t know why he thought they wouldn’t. They couldn’t even fucking hold a goddamn conversation anymore. He tried so so hard, but things were just way different now. They used to be able to just keep talking and talking about anything, but not anymore, apparently. Jeremy always answered very abruptly now, like he tried to talk with as little words as possible. And all of it just kept making Michael rethink the two things he’d always held to be true, the two things that were constant in his life: that they’d always be best friends, and that their friendship would last forever no matter what. So he was left with a shitty life and no one to talk to about it, or just fucking talk to in general. Sure, Rich was cool, but they didn’t have the bond and trust that came with twelve fucking years of friendship. And Michael didn’t have that anymore either.


	2. Do You Wanna Hang?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rich invites Michael to hang out with the squad and Michael decides to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Michael kinda gets a panic attack at the end of this chapter, so venture ahead carefully. Also, the title doesn't really convey how light this chapter mostly is? Like when I think of this song, I think kinda sultry. But for this fic, because it's Rich, the title wld prob be Do You Wanna Hang??? :DD

“C'mon Michael, you remember the rest of the squad. We'll make it fun! And you can take a break whenever you need. I promise.” Rich was all but begging him at this point. 

“Alright. Fine. I'll go,” Michael replied. 

“Yes! Hell yeah! It's gonna be great! I'll tell them you'll be able to make it,” Rich said excitedly. It wasn't like Michael had anything else to do, so he probably would’ve always said yes, but he wasn't telling Rich that, no matter how close they were becoming. But in all honesty, he wasn’t really looking forward to it. Sure, he knew them. Kind of. They were all pretty nice, pretty friendly to him ever since the squip incident. Nothing could appease him, it seemed. Nobody was good enough for him, not in the way that Jeremy was, but maybe Jeremy wasn’t so good to him after all. He was starting to see that sometimes all Jeremy had talked about was wanting to be popular, even that time that Michael practically confessed to him when they were playing video games. 

Michael went anyway. Of course he did. He went to Rich’s house and tried not to think about how the night had gone the last time he went to a house that wasn't his own or Jeremy’s. He took a deep breath in and let it out before going in the house. It seemed like things were just beginning. Rich, Jake, Jenna, and Christine were already there. They were getting drinks, so he went to the kitchen as well. He'd never actually been to any of their houses, or a hangout with them before. Hopefully it went well. 

“Hey, Michael! Brooke and Chloe are gonna be here in a few. Help yourself to any drinks or snacks,” Rich said. “We're just gonna be talking and hanging out.”

“And painting nails, if you’re interested. I'm obsessed with it right now and I've been learning how to do various designs,” Jenna added. “I brought lotsa colours too!” 

“Maybe,” Michael mused. He started putting some food on a plate and pouring himself a drink. Everyone was heading into what he assumed was the living room, so he followed them. They arranged themselves in a circle and he took a seat between Rich and Christine. 

“So . . . what are we gonna be talkin’ about?”

“Do you not talk to Jeremy when you guys hang out?”

“I mean . . . I - we don't hang out really anymore? But when we did we usually played games, or talked about games. I mean we talked about other stuff, but we _have_ known each other for 12 years, so I'm assuming it's a biiit different.” 

“Oh. What happened? I mean if you wanna talk about it. It's totally up to you,” Christine said gently. 

“There's not really much to say. He just stopped talking to me. Like, I know I'm not even on his level anyway, but it just hurts because we had each other’s backs for so long, and I know it's dumb, but I was there for him. Always. I came to help when you guys all got squipped, and I stayed by his bedside almost the whole time he was at the hospital. And then he just cut things off with me, and it's not like he acted like anything was wrong. I don't even know if he gets that it was kinda wrong of him to do that. He's just so casual about ignoring me. Oh god I'm sorry he's probably like buddy-buddy with all of you I'm sorry,” Michael said miserably. 

“No, it's okay! I-I didn't know he was ignoring you,” Rich said, bewildered. “I guess I just assumed you guys would still be friends.” Michael was saved from having to say more by the entrance of Brooke and Chloe. 

“It's the two lovebirds, finally come to grace us with their presence,” Rich crowed. 

“Oh, shut up, Rich,” Chloe scoffed as Rich snickered. “Like you could talk.”

“So what have you guys been doing? Sorry we’re late,” Brooke interjected before anything escalated. 

“We haven’t done much. We just got our drinks and snacks. And talked a little,” Michael answered.

“Oh. What were you guys talking about?”

“We’ve been -,” Rich started before Michael cut him off.

“Talking about our days and how we’ve been doing.” He didn’t need more people being annoyed at him. Not when Brooke seemed so nice. 

“Oh. Okay! I heard we’re doing nails? I call dibs,” Brooke replied. Michael was so glad she didn’t seem to pick up on anything weird. 

“You bet we’re doing nails. I can do different designs now,” Jenna said excitedly. 

“Awesome! Could you just surprise me? I don’t really have an idea in mind, but I _do_ want the colours of the pan flag to be used.”

“Sure thing!” Jenna had pulled her box of nail polishes and tools in front of her, and she and Brooke were now finding said colours. Maybe this group wasn’t so bad after all. Maybe they’d accept him. That thought gave him the strength to get his nails painted after Chloe with a simple rainbow on each, and sat back down between Rich and Christine. 

“You can’t just keep avoiding talking about this forever, y’know? It’s obviously kinda got you fucked up, and you can’t just keep bottling it up. We’re here for you. I know you probably don’t think that because you don’t really know us, but you are. You’re a good person. We’re your friends, if you want us to be.” Rich had scooted closer to Michael, who hadn’t realised until Rich had started talking. 

“He's right,” Jake said softly from Rich’s other side. “And not just with your Jeremy situation. Anything in general.”

“And you can always text one of us. If you need someone to talk to, text one of us. If you need to hang out, text one of us. We won't mind. We could even make a groupchat! And you wouldn’t have to worry about annoying us, because you’re not gonna be the only one with bad days. We can all just talk to each other.” Christine had rested her hand lightly on his arm as she said this. Michael was so relieved he almost cried. He was so lucky and fortunate to be found by these people. Fuck. He hadn't felt like this in a while. 

“Thanks guys,” he said wetly, rubbing his eyes. “That means a lot to me.” Rich punched his arm playfully. 

“Dude, of course. We're here for you.” Rich said with a warm smile. Michael gave him a small smile back. “Let's get this party started! I'm gonna put on some tunes. Who wants to play Cards Against Humanity?” 

“I've honestly never played that before,” Michael told them sheepishly. 

“You _haven't_? Dude, you've been missing out. It's reaaaal fun,” Rich promised. 

“I . . . will take your word for it,” Michael said cautiously as he gauged the reactions of the other people in the room. They were all trying to disguise their laughter when Rich had said that, and were putting double thumbs up encouragingly now. 

“No, okay, it's like Apples to Apples on steroids. That's all. It's very fun,” Jake said in an attempt to reassure Michael. Rich came back with the game and they got started. 

Twenty minutes into playing Cards Against Humanity, Michael realised they were right, and he _had_ been missing out. It was probably the most amazing card (did that qualify as cards?) game he had ever played, the most amazing game not involving technology. Everyone was laughing, Michael included, and he had tears coming out and his stomach hurt from laughing so much. It was almost like they were all high, except there were never gonna be bad side effects of hanging out like this the way a group of friends did. They also got to know each other better in between games. He learned more about them and they learned more about him. It was overall a very very good time, and he was glad to came. 

“Hey guys, I'm gonna go get some more snacks,” Michael said, rising up. 

“Yeah that's chill,” Rich replied, not looking up from his cards. Michael really did love these people. He hummed along to the music as he got some more of each snack. The doritos and cheetos he didn't get more of though, because he didn't wanna get the cards dirty. As he walked back, he caught sight of Jeremy. What the fuck was Jeremy doing here? He had picked up some cards for himself and now he was just playing with them. Fuck, Michael couldn't go out there. Jeremy was ignoring him. He was _gonna_ keep ignoring Michael. 

Michael abandoned his plate of snacks and went to go lock himself in the bathroom. Fuck fuck fuck. Here he was again. In a bathroom. At someone else’s house. Because he was being stupid about Jeremy. And this time, he couldn't leave without being seen. Even if he went out the back door, his shoes were still at the front, and no fucking way was he leaving his weed Heelys behind. Fuck. He was just trapped here. 

“Michael?” Fuck. It was Christine. He froze. “Michael, are you okay?” 

“Yeah,” he croaked out. He was totally fine. It wasn't like his ex best friend of twelve fucking years was out there. It wasn't like he was fucking on the verge of another fucking panic attack. Fuck. He could go out. He could. Jeremy wasn't sitting in his spot. He was sitting between Jake and Chloe. Michael would be fine. He'd be okay. He got up shakily and went to open the door. Then he went and got his plate of snacks and walked back to his spot. Thank god it was basically right in front of the kitchen. 

“Who's judging?”

“It's your turn,” Rich informed. 

“Alright.” He examined his nails for lack of something better to do. They were really nice. He was gonna do his best not to chip them. He flipped the cards over one by one when he had all seven of them. There was one that he just _knew_ was Jeremy’s, and he started snickering. He slid the black card to Jeremy and put the white cards in the discard pile in the top of the box. 

“Hey,” Rich protested loudly. “Is this game rigged? What if one of us had put that down?”

“It’s an inside joke between us,” Michael replied simply. Jeremy shot a meek smile Michael’s way and Michael couldn’t help but smile back. Fuck, he wished Jeremy didn’t have that effect on him. He could tell the rest of the group let out a collective breath though, and playing wasn’t bad after that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Squip Squad has a groupchat, and Jeremy consults it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> totally bi: Rich  
> Jeremy Queer: Jeremy  
> Jennaro: Jenna  
> BlAnChE DuBois: Christine  
> Totally Boss: Jake  
> Pink Lady1: Chloe  
> Brooke Berry: Brooke
> 
> *** this takes place before the previous chapter ***

totally bi entered the chat squippie squappie  
totally: hey jeremy he said he’d come  
totally: update: he’s here  
Jeremy: Do u think he’s gna hate me  
Pink: maybe  
Jeremy: Shit  
BlAnChE: Chloe!!  
Pink: i mean it’s true it’s always a possibility  
Pink: also u ignored him for like idek however long u did, so  
BlAnChE: But he seems more torn than he does mad  
Jeremy: Shit shld i even go  
BlAnChE: It could be ur best shot at talking to him  
Jeremy: Okay I'm gna go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaa sorry this chapter is so so short!! i was originally gonna do a chap w just texting? but decided this fit better here, and the other part would fit better after the next regular chapter


	4. Sleepover With The Squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The squad decides to have a sleepover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yoooo i'm so sorry this took a while for me to put up. i've had it written; i just didn't wanna post something too soon and then hit writer's block and not post anything for like ten years.

“How do you guys feel about a sleepover?” Rich was looking around at all of them, raising his eyebrows exaggeratedly. Michael snorted. 

“Do you have enough beds?” Jeremy asked in retaliation. 

“Uhhh I have this big-ass picnic blanket, like five blankets, couch cushions, and the floor?”

“Close enough.”

“Yes! Who’s in?”

“We're all down, dude,” Jake replied after looking around at everyone. 

“Hell yeah! Sleepover with the squad!” Rich was always filled with enthusiasm and love, and it made Michael smile. He helped clean up their plates and the kitchen as some of the others set up their sleeping area. 

When he was done, he walked outside and sat on the front steps, looking up at the stars. It was a nice night; a gentle breeze was flowing in the otherwise warm air, and the sky was clear. He could see the moon, and various other dots. He never knew if they were stars or planets, but he read somewhere once that there _are_ planets visible sometimes. The front door opened and someone took a seat beside him. He knew without looking that it was Jeremy, because of his scent. It had always brought comfort to Michael. They sat like that in silence until Jeremy let out a big breath and started talking. 

“I'm sorry Michael,” Jeremy said somberly. “I've owed you this apology for a long time, but I've only worked up the nerve to do it now, and I'm sorry for that too. I'm gonna be totally honest when I say this- and you know that this is true, so don't ever try to like, I don't know, justify me or anything - but I've just been a total, really big, absolute fucking asshole to you, and you don't, and never will, deserve that at all. You've been my best friend, the only person I've had, since we were five, and you're really important to me. I love you so much and I care about you so much, and now I get how dumb it was of me to do what I did to you. I just - I didn’t want to hurt you anymore. I know it probably hurt to have your best friend call you a loser, and I thought about how I did that so so often. And when I got out of the hospital, I just thought man, I don't wanna hurt Michael again. And I thought that if I stayed around you, there was a chance I could hurt you, and I didn’t want that. So I just - I guess I just thought it’d be better if I left you alone. That way, there was no chance I could hurt you. And - and I mean I guess now I get how bad that must’ve been. But I . . . I-I saw you. Outside my classes. I knew you waited for me, like always. I just thought that I should distance myself, because you’d be better off without me, and you deserve a friend that treats you better than that.” Michael thought that if this ever happened, he’d cry. He thought that if Jeremy started talking to him again, maybe he’d be sad. Maybe he’d be mad. Instead, he wasn’t either. He was strangely calm. At first. 

“Yeahh, news flash: it, uh, it hurt a fuckton, like, worse than when you had the squip and ignored me.” Michael stood up abruptly and started to walk towards the door. “Alright now that we’ve talked about it, it’s time to go to sleep alright good talk alright it’s all good now.” Jeremy stood up as well and took hold of Michael’s wrist, gently pulling him backwards and around so he was facing Jeremy. 

“ _No_ , Michael,” Jeremy started sternly but softly, “it’s _not_ all good now, and we both know that.” Michael’s eyes were really shiny, so Jeremy took off his glasses for him and wiped away the tears that were starting to escape. He hugged Michael, and Michael clutched him tightly. Michael couldn’t really remember the last time he’d been hugged by anyone. It was probably Jeremy, before the squip thing. Fuck. He really missed having someone. He tried to return his breathing to normal. 

“You good dude?” Jeremy asked. 

“Yeahh just, can we talk about this another time? I really do wanna sleep. And I don’t wanna be stuck out here for like ten hours or go home. I kinda wanna have my first sleepover experience.”

“Yeah, okay.” Michael heard the smile in his best friend’s voice. They broke apart and went back into the house. 

Everyone had settled, so there was only one opening left, and Michael and Jeremy went to it. The group as a whole ended up talking until four in the morning before everyone finally started feeling tired. Michael liked feeling wanted. He liked that they included him and kept him engaged.


	5. It's Time For Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The squad has breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yinz (it's a Pittsburgh thing?? I saw it in this chart)! It's been a minute. Or two. Or a thousand million. Sorry I haven't updated in a really long while! I just haven't really found motivation to be anything but lazy and like noah fence wow! I got 63 kudos and 7 bookmarks on this series but like no one really commented on the last chapter which is totally fine! but i just felt more like i was doing this for myself and since i didn't rly care when i wrote it i just. didn't. but here's a new chap!! The titles um based off a thing from bubble guppies where they go what time is it? it's time for lunch! anyway, enjoy!!

Michael woke up encircled by Jeremy’s arms with his face buried in Jeremy’s chest, not fully conscious. He froze when he remembered that Jeremy was ignoring him and would probably be pissed, but then grew confused, because if Jeremy was ignoring him, why would he be sleeping with Michael? It took a few more seconds for him to remember that Jeremy was, in fact, probably not ignoring him anymore, because they'd had a talk the night before. And that they were at a sleepover. Fuck. He was at a sleepover. He'd never been at a sleepover besides at Jeremy’s house, and that didn't count because that was only one person, and that was someone he'd known since they were five. Was it cool to cuddle with someone? . . . Probably, because they were cool people but still. What did you do at sleepovers? Did you wait for everyone to wake up? Were you allowed to get up? What did you do as a guest? He was saved from having to worry any longer when he heard someone let out a huge groan from beside him. 

“Yo, I'm hungry. My stomach’s growling. I'm eating myself slowly. Who wants food?” Rich asked. Michael heard the others shifting around and groaning as well. 

“Get your lazy asses up. We're gonna make pancakes. I've already decided,” Rich declared in response to the chorus of groans. Michael tickled Jeremy’s nose. It twitched and a small noise emitted from Jeremy. 

“Yo. Jeremy. We're making pancakes. Jeeeeremy that means it’s time to get up.” Jeremy opened his eyes slowly when Michael talked. That was so dumb; what was Michael doing? That wasn’t cool. That wasn’t funny or anything. He regretted doing it. Maybe he should’ve just stayed there and been hungry and then died because he was hungry instead of waking Jeremy up. Jeremy looked really confused.

“Dudes. I’m not saying it again. I’m gonna make pancakes whether or not you guys come with me,” Rich declared. Jeremy’s eyes widened a fraction as he processed where he was, and he took his arm off Michael. 

“Sorry dude,” he said, yawning. Yeah, Jeremy probably definitely hated him. 

“N-no, it’s-it’s cool, it’s cool,” Michael said absolutely too loudly. Fuck. He went to the kitchen before he could fuck anything else up. Rich looked kinda lost when he was there. 

“HI,” Michael said way too loudly again. “I can help you!” Jesus fucking christ why was he so loud he was being way too loud and enthusiastic this morning and nobody liked loud people. Rich surveyed him for a bit. 

“Y’know,” Rich started, “you’re pretty odd, dude. But that’s totally cool and I love you.” 

“Th-thanks,” Michael says, for lack of something better to say. “Anyways, do you know how to make pancakes?” 

“Actually, I don’t. But like, you just need flour and eggs and milk, right?”

“I don’t know how to make pancakes either.” Jake came in as Michael said that. 

“Good thing you guys have a master pancake chef here.” It got a lot easier with Jake around. Jake told them what they needed to get and started getting bowls out himself. 

“Hey guys,” Brooke said sleepily as she walked in. “I’m hungry. What’re we making?”

“We’re making pancakes,” Rich said enthusiastically. “And you only get to eat them if you help make them. So you better help.” Eventually, everyone came in but Chloe. It was really nice, and someone started a flour fight at one point while Jake started actually cooking the pancakes. They all took turns making different shapes, and there was a stack of heart pancakes. Michael made a Pac-Man for himself, and contributed some to the stack of hearts. He started to help clean up when his turn was over. 

Chloe finally woke up when everyone was done making pancakes and had started getting plates for themselves, and the whipped cream and syrup and milk. She trudged into the kitchen and stood behind where Brooke was sitting in a chair, wrapping her arms loosely around Brooke’s neck. She kissed the top of Brooke’s head and smirked at the various shouts of “disgusting” and “gross” and “gay”. 

“Like _you’re_ any straighter,” she fired back.

“You can only eat pancakes if you helped make them and-” Rich started.

“Here, babe, I made you some hearts,” Brooke said happily, paying no heed to Rich. 

“Aww, thanks, you’re the best.” 

“Traitor! You’re a traitor!” Rich started up their friendly bickering again and Michael laughed a little as he watched. He loved his friends, and eating with them and hanging out with them. Soon, though, they finished eating, and that meant they’d all have to part ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to be clear, none of them are homophobic! they're all very very queer thank u v much and they're teasing chloe, s'all. also ik chloe isn't um a v good chara in the canonverse, but in this fic, they've worked things out and she's apologised and they've all done some Bonding tm and they're all good now. also sorry i kinda ramped up michaels anxiety?? oh well


	6. Let's Go To The Mall Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang goes to the mall because friends are fun.

“Guuuuuys, I don’t feel like splitting up yet. Let’s do something else,” Rich said.

“Yeah, me neither. We can go to a mall and then hit up a Pinkberry,” Brooke suggested. 

“That,” Rich pointed at her, “is a good plan. A lit plan. I am on board. Let’s do it.” Jake’s car could fit all of them except one, but Jeremy said he'd go with Michael. Michael couldn't help but think that that was a sign that they didn't want him. It was probably dumb. Really dumb. He was dumb. He got in his car and drove Jeremy and himself to the mall. Jeremy told him where to park when they got there and they went in, meeting up with Rich and them. 

They didn’t really have a plan; they just went in whatever stores they wanted to. The first store was the Lego store, where they walked around and looked at random Lego sets. They passed by the wall of lego pieces and some of them made various pride flags, leaving them in random places in the store. Michael made a gay pride flag. They then got to the Lego figurine-making station near the back of the store and started making random figures. They made figures of each other and took “squad pics” with their Lego counterparts. Rich came up with the idea to actually purchase them, and they put them on keychains so they could “bring the Lego squad with them wherever they went”. It made Michael feel better, which he felt was kind of a silly thing to say, but it was the truth. Even if he was getting over the “I’m part of a squad” high and chest-deep in the “oh fuck I have no friends they’re just pretending” territory, it cheered him up some to know that these were people that wanted to do something special to show they were all friends. It helped a ton to combat the “they’re just pretending” part, at least. 

The next store they entered was a candy store. There was a little corner of it that had Beanie Babies and stuff, and they pretty much all went there. It didn’t escape Michael’s notice that Jeremy had gone off into the candy part of the store. He perused the stuffed animals and as he got closer to the center of the store, noted that Jeremy didn’t seem to be anywhere near done getting his fill of candy. He wondered if he should go stop Jeremy, but then thought that seemed like a parental thing and their friendship wasn’t cemented enough anymore that he could say anything of that manner because then Jeremy would see he was a party pooper and Not Fun and then he’d realise that he was right when he realised Michael was a loser and then they wouldn’t be friends anymore and then he couldn’t be friends with the rest of them anymore because they were Jeremy’s friends first and then he’d just be all alone again.

“Yo, Jeremy, what the fuck?” Michael was startled when he heard one of them talking again. It was Chloe. Jeremy had frozen and turned towards the voice, smiling sheepishly. “Why the huge ass amount of candy?” 

“Um? I was - I just um wanted to share with my friends! Yeah! I wanted to share with you guys!” Chloe narrowed her eyes, obviously seeing that Jeremy wasn’t really telling the truth. She ended up leaving Jeremy to his own devices, which meant Jeremy purchased the bag of candy. 

They went to a bookstore, where they made fun of ridiculous romance novels. They went to an entertainment store, where they impulsively bought some interesting sounding board games and the like for future hangouts. As their shopping trip went on, Michael’s fears were slowly being squashed, and he loved that they were. Sure, there was pretty much always gonna be that part of him that doubted the permanency of his place in their squad, but it was harder to listen to that when they were all providing little signs of how welcome he was and how much they liked him.

His favourite store that they stepped in, however, was Hot Topic. There were so many different sections for so many different fandoms, one of which was Studio Ghibli. He went to that one right away. There was a bomber jacket for Haku from Spirited Away that he really wanted to get, but something like that would no doubt be pretty pricey. Trying it on wouldn’t hurt, he figured, so he found a size that would fit him and took a couple selfies with it. He was taking it off and putting it back on the rack when he heard a familiar voice behind him. 

“Hey Michael,” Jake said warmly. “You like Studio Ghibli too?” 

“Yeah, I love them!” The harsh voice inside him telling him he was being too loud and enthusiastic was quickly pushed aside when Jake started engaging him in a conversation about Studio Ghibli. The conversation eventually ended, but they went to where the others were standing by the thing of pins. Michael felt like he knew Jake better now. Jake was a good person. 

They all got some various matching pins for pride month, Jake and Michael got the same Studio Ghibli pin, and Michael impulsively bought about ten others. They were good pins; he couldn’t help it. He liked collecting things, and The Jacket was proof of that. His wallet might’ve been quite a few dollars lighter, but he found he couldn’t give a damn. 

“Alright, it’s froyo time!! Head to the getaway vehicles, team!” Rich was very goofy like that. Michael laughed and ran with the rest of them. By the time they got to where the cars were, they were breathless. The ride there was quiet besides the music. Michael just wished and hoped that things would be different soon, because Jeremy was supposed to be his best friend. Best friends weren’t this awkward with each other. Well, Michael and Jeremy never were, at least. He wanted desperately for things to be like that again.

After they all got their froyos, they found some tables they could push together and sat chatting and eating. Michael took in Jeremy’s heaps of sugary things and noted, without surprise, that Jeremy had the most candy out of anyone else. Rich was close behind, though. All the walking around and goofing off and spending time with so many people left him a bit drained, if he was gonna be honest. So he sat quietly in the corner listening to the rest of them talk to each other. Brooke was on his left and Jeremy was on his right. 

“Are you okay? Tired?” Brooke’s voice, however soft, startled Michael. 

“Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just - a lot of walking today and talking and all that.” Michael gestured vaguely, spoon in his hands, and Brooke smiled. 

“Yeah, that tends to happen when you're at the mall. And with Rich. But you had fun, right? It wasn't too much, you're feeling okay?” He noted that she'd turned to face him and was looking at him earnestly. It made him feel warm inside to know that she genuinely cared. 

“Yeah, I definitely did. It's really fun to hang out with you guys, no matter how wild Rich gets.”

“Good. Good.” She smiled genuinely one last time before leaving him alone again. They all sat there a while longer talking even after finishing their froyos. There had been some trying of other people’s froyos and Michael had joined in. He'd also interjected a few times in their conversation and cracked some witty remarks that had them laughing. Other than that, he was content to observe what was happening around him until it was time to leave. Jake made Michael follow him to Rich’s car and wait at the side. He came back out with a bag and handed it to Michael, who accepted it graciously. Inside was the bomber jacket he'd been admiring earlier. 

“Keep it, okay? My gift to you. You're a good friend. Talk to you soon, aight?” Michael nodded as Jake pushed him gently in the direction of his car where Jeremy was waiting patiently. 

“Thanks for waiting. Not that you really had any choice.”

“It's fine. Uh - is that your jacket?”

“Yeah. Jake bought it for me.”

“It uh, it looks good on you.” 

“Thanks.” They got in the car after that awkward exchange and the rest of the ride was silent ‘til he got to Jeremy’s place. 

“Hey uh, you wanna come inside? Maybe catch up a bit? See what we bought today?” Michael was nodding before he was even aware of it and they headed into Jeremy’s house with their bags.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol it's been a while. again, i hvnt been motivated oops. i hope u enjoyed this chp tho!

**Author's Note:**

> so michael stays at jeremy's hospital room for the entire duration of visiting hours, and when jeremy first wakes up, he's ecstatic to see michael. after that though, he just ignores michael. he doesn't talk to him, leaves before michael can pick him up after each hour (bc they're nerds and michael does - well did- tht), doesn't rly respond to txting, doesn't hang out, doesn't get high, doesn't play vid games. michael starts losing interest in things. he doesn't like vid games anymore (might be ooc), and after experiencing the effects of too much weed (increased panic attacks, fucked up memory), stops getting high too. he then turns to negative, harmful tendencies.


End file.
